Mastering the emotional sense - Presence in the Heart

I was meditating on the most important thing to share. What is the center of everything? What is the foundation for understanding and being able to apply all I want to share in the future? What allows people to really transcend and transmute the old into something new and expansive?

The heart.

There is only one heartspace that we all share. When the individual heart is completely opened and highly mastered, it becomes the ultimate vehicle for exploring and embodying our true infinite nature. The heart knows the truth instantly when it is itself grounded in truth.

I have respect for cliches like: "all you need is love", "open your heart", "follow your heart", etc.

If you could only master one thing in your life, I'd suggest mastering the heart sense.

In the modern world, we value mind and thinking so much that we forget where the ideas get their power from. You can have the best idea in the world, but if your heart doesn't want to make it happen, it will just stay an idea. In the same way, anything that has enough true heart desire behind it will happen.

So how do we master the heart?

I am on this journey with you and can only share what I have learned so far.

The first step is getting comfortable beyond the mind. When you stop thinking, what is left and how can you spend more time deepening your connection in this beyond-thought space?

You might already have activities you enjoy that get you into a "flow state" of no-thought. That state where time stops and the whole world beyond the moment disappears. It could be dance, music, art, sports, anything. Whatever it is, start to respect that space and deepen your awareness of it within it.

For me, meditation is non-negotiable. Shutting the eyes and turning inwards is the most direct way to get beyond what the eyes think is real. Spending enough time in meditation and the entire world as I know it dissolves and I start to feel more fluidity within my existence. I can take the time to let my mind slow down and relax, examining the root unconscious feelings and beliefs under my thoughts. I can very directly play with opening to certain emotional states like love and bliss. I can sink into the absolute silence and stillness of the void. Meditation is unlike any other tool.

With most of my meditative practice, I have this overarching intention of opening myself to more love and bliss. This happens mostly through the release of stored trauma and stuck emotions. Spend enough time in stillness and everything will rise to the top. All I need to do is close my eyes, wait and then face whatever shows up.

Over time, I have learned how to grasp my emotions when they show up and completely dissolve myself into them. I've felt them pop and be annihilated and then felt a rush of relief and expansion as more space is created in my being. In the spaciousness, I can intentionally open to more bliss and love to grasp and familiarize myself with these higher emotions.

I picture the neuronal circuitry for these states in my brain. All my life, certain circuits have burned their paths in my emotional centers. Through awakening, I recognize my power as the Creator incarnate and choose to build new paths in the circuitry of my emotional center. I choose to intentionally expand and practice my ability to sense and open to more higher emotional states. When a moment of gratitude, love, joy, or happiness shows up in my heart, I lean into it and feel it completely, expanding my whole being and letting it fully express.

Over time, I have felt my neurochemistry shift and old patterns of depression and anxiety no longer stick. I have moments, just like everyone else, but I don't resist. I know these feelings aren't inherently true and that I have the power to shift and upgrade my experience on this earth. When the feelings show up, I die into them for a period, fully receiving and appreciating the feelings, then connect to my intention to rise up and through that gather the desire to make a decision to choose something higher. I keep taking whatever steps I need to take to keep living my authentic way. This can take anywhere from a few seconds to a few hours, where in the past I might've got stuck in these patterns for days or weeks, with them lurking in the background for months and years.

Developing heart control and awareness is the single best thing I have done for my experience as a human on this planet. It is so simple and effective that the mind will not believe it at first. I can summarize it in one sentence:

"Feel whatever your feeling fully and take the steps toward love."


Brad ZayacComment
Rooting the mind - Understanding the three levels of mind

“Root the mind and the heart opens to 10,000 voices” 

According to the Chinese system, there are three levels of mind. Here they are: 

Physical - the conscious active mind responsible for willpower and verbal thinking, the “monkey mind”. You can feel like the physical thoughts are up and around the head.

Energetic - the level of feeling below or behind the physical mind. This is the realm of emotions, bodily sensations. The energetic mind is felt below the physical mind in the realm of the heart and body. The physical mind is fed and results from the patterns of the energetic mind

Spiritual - the space of pure awareness beyond all ideas, thoughts, emotions, feelings. The connection to source and the fountain of divine intuition and psychic powers. The spiritual mind is what is left when everything else is still, it is beyond location and time.


And the bonus that I won’t get too deeply into now is that we have the ability to take our consciousness beyond all levels of mind to the pure experience of unity, I.e completely awaken to the truth. 

I find this model of mind extremely helpful as I approach my magic and inner work. Rooting the mind in stillness is a continuous intention to allow my spiritual powers and insight to open to infinity. 

I was playing in meditation and thought I might share how I use this model to root my mind in stillness and open up to more bliss.  

Navigating the mental plane through meditation reveals a lot of our current state. Our physical mind is a result of our past relationship with the energetic mind and the energetic mind’s purity comes from our connection to the spirit mind. Each level feeds the one above it. To root the mind and open up to more bliss is to pour more of our awareness into the spirit mind and allow the energetic and physical (especially energetic) minds to soften and open into spaciousness so that energy can more easily flow from the spirit mind into our direct experience. 

The rooting of the mind is a letting go of the clenching that our energetic and physical minds might be in the habit of doing. Softening by pure unexpecting presence. Zooming out and looking beyond to what’s behind and underneath what has been showing up in front of us.  

Here is a quick step by step for this sort of mind-rooting stillness meditation: 

1. Get comfortable in a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed. I like lying down and have also had great success with sitting upright or in a comfy chair.  

2. Close the eyes and take some breaths. Clarify for your whole being your intention: “I am slowing and rooting my mind in the truth of stillness” or something like that that feels good to you.  

2. I recommend jumping right to the energetic mind. Tune into your heart and notice what you are feeling. Any verbalization, story or explanation is the physical mind which we are turning the attention away from here. Instead focus on the pure feeling and stay there.  Nothing to change or fix, just pure seeing with the gentlest intention of softening and opening.

3. I will first explore any barriers to the success of my meditation. Things like tiredness, lack of focus, nervousness, strong emotions. These are all just ideas that when directly seen can be easily released.  

4. Staying in the energetic mind for a period and you will see the physical mind eventually comes to a standstill and you are in the realm of pure feeling. This is the sign you are ready to go one level deeper.  

5. The spirit mind is subtle. It’s the thing that is noticing the feeling. Shifting from the object of observation to the subject. Aware of awareness. Pure silence. Pure stillness. Emptiness. Void. Let yourself fall in love with this place of deep peace.  

6. Eventually as the awareness sinks purely into spirit mind, the energetic mind will quiet as well and you will be left in deep stillness. Stay here as long as you can, continually coming back as you fall out.  

Bonus: in this place of deep stillness, you can notice that something is noticing the nothingness. Even when the entire world has come to a single essence, something is aware. Allow yourself to grow curious and investigate the source of the light with greater desire and intensity. Theoretically this will lead to full blown realization experience. I have not had this yet so I will not speak to it.

And that’s it! It’s simply a time game. I’ve heard some traditions say that you spend 81 hours in the spirit mind state and you become full of yang heavenly divine energy.

Either way the rooting of the mind even for one moment improves quality of life and opens the gateway to more bliss, peace and joy. 

Give it a shot and let me know how it goes for ya! 

Brad ZayacComment
The Magic of Self Discovery - The foundations for self love

I've been going through a major heart opening expansion to infinity. 

In a process of clearing some base level emotional programs, there has been an unveiling of my more true and authentic self, and numerous points of clarity. There are a few parts of this that I will break down. I will share my unique and raw experience.

The Pressure to Please

My world reflected to me just how much of my truth I was hiding. I felt constricted in all my chakras and contorted into a tiny tiny box. I had resistance to letting my energy out, because in the past I've made big messes by doing so. I could have simply cleaned up my messes and moved on,  yet some part of me decided it might be better to just shut down the flow completely.

Instead of just letting my energy flow out naturally, I would use my mind to carefully sense what was expected of me or what would maintain a numb comfort homeostasis in the environment and use that mental energy to make it happen. No messes, no feeling necessary. Just the constant mental alertness and expenditure of my body's resources to avoid making other people too uncomfortable. 

This is a pattern that has shown up for me in greater or lesser degrees for as long as I can remember. I can point to school, where we are not trained to think for ourselves, but to pick the "right" answer. I very vividly remember being in school and being able to read my teacher's mind to pick out the answer they wanted. I didn't need to look inside or think on my own, because I could get good grades by just reflecting what I read from my teacher's mind. I allowed myself to become weak-willed and lazy, and my environment made it very easy for me to do so.

Later in life this same energy showed up in the form of people pleasing. Being able to read people's energy and sense exactly what they wanted or needed in order to have a momentary boost in good mood. I could say the right thing to keep them talking or to feel better. It didn't matter if I was exhausted or didn't really give a shit about what they were chatting. I would just be there, constricting my heart and pouring energy out my mind so that I wouldn't have to clean up any messes.

I was popular. People had surface-level pleasant feelings about me. I could smile at people 24/7 even when I was dying inside. Yet no one, not even I knew who I really was or how I was feeling.

Getting to the Root

In my meditations, I constantly turn things around and travel to their source. Where is that thought coming from? What is the baseline paradigm belief that allows that thought to exist? What emotional energy is producing that thought?

In looking at this people pleasing behavior, there are a number of angles and insights I had. I will share the primary one that I feel had a profound impact on this and a few other restrictive programs I was able to release.

"Not good enough"

This is what I hear inside myself all the time. It's in a bit of a old grumbly voice with a bit of anger behind it. Like an old Chinese master getting me to do it again, do it better this time.

I won't say that this phrase is gone, or that I even want it to be gone. This energy is a part of my ability to do it over again and again, to keep going keep going, to dive deeper deeper. It's an incredibly valuable part of what makes me who I am.

What did shift is my response to the phrase. 

Before, when I heard "not good enough", there could be a sinking feeling of despair and defeat. Or there could be a rush of anger directed at myself in fierce judgement. I would never let myself deeply feel satisfied, grateful or accomplished. There was always something new to do in order to be better

I've been watching in my meditations the past few days just how much of my movement has come from this place of self judgement: "I'll be better when I accomplish this", "I'll be better when I can heal this person", "I'll be better when I get deeper into my practice."

Luckily with this new level of awareness, upon finding this root of self-judgement, not being good enough, I am able to change my response. Instead of trying to achieve something external to satisfy the voice, I can sit with the judgmental feeling and shine loving compassion toward it until it subsides. I can then return to the stillness of the void.

I Am Enough

I would not have seen and been able to move through this without the divinely graceful and infinitely loving reflection of my beloved. Her intuition was the one who really clarified the root of it for me and offered me this mantra that I take with me the rest of my life:

I am enough.

She told me to say it from deep down in my tailbone, all the way up through the spine. I sat with this and let it sink all the way in. I communicated to every cell of my body. I connected and let peace flow into every particle of my being.

I am enough.

A massive wave of relaxation, a release of anxiety. A deep stillness and peace. With this mantra I went into an internal deep dive, reprogramming my core root.

Complete surrender to nothingness and stillness and then just watch where the movement comes from. With the mantra firmly embodied, it became so obvious which movements were coming from this place of "not good enough". I would feel it right away and instead choose to surrender more deeply into stillness. I let actions of "I am enough", "I deserve love", "I take care of myself", flow instead.

My movement and expression now has been more firmly rooted in an opening heart. I am moved by love, joy and genuine excitement, rather than this need to do something in order to prove I am better. I am more comfortable speaking and being my truth to others. I recognize there is no need to alter my behavior to please others. My integrity and my complete expression is the ultimate highest good for the universe, even if it causes some momentary discomfort. Turns out I am good at cleaning up messes anyway ;)

Self Knowledge and Self Love is the Reward

I saw myself.

I see myself.

Putting down the barriers and opening up my expression, I get the reward of more genuine unique authenticity.

I was sitting by the creek meditating. And I was doing it in a way that was coming from "not good enough". I got pretty far into it, frustratingly and ineffectively so, before I surrendered and realized what was going on. When I gave up on that old program, I started to receive visions of my future self, fully expressed. I got the feelings of "Wow this is who I really have been all along".

I will copy a portion from my handwritten journal:

"I see myself
My power is obvious, apparent
My freedom is undeniable
My love is deep, raw and unconditional
My presence is thick and all pervasive
I have earned all these things through my dedication to God within, by listening to my truth and deeply surrendering"

I had specific images of my style and feelings of my interactions and sharings with people. We will all get to see it unfold and fully flower.

These images were accompanied by a flood of emotion. Deep self love as my uniqueness was finally seen and allowed to flow. Who I really am is truly beautiful and feels so right.

I Am a Magician

From now on, when people ask me "What do you do?", I can confidently say, "I am a magician".

That's what I do full time. That's what I've always done full time. It has sneaked through all my expressions and sharings, in all my relationships, in all my work. The central theme has been magic. Real magic. The transmutation. The alchemy. Special powers, Movement of energy. Pure sight. Inner discovery. Devotion to the divine. The connection of heaven and earth.

Before I kept it hidden. I had something ready to say that wouldn't cause people too much pause. "Oh, I am a massage therapist" or "I'm a writer". Those were all just people pleasers. Things I could say that wouldn't rock their boats too much.

The truth is "I am a magician".

Everything else on the surface shows up how it does. The money flows in when it needs to. I do the actions that I'm called to. The right people show up at the right time. And at the core, is the magic. At the core, is my dance with the divine.

Now that I truly see who I am, the love flows naturally toward myself. I am fully honest and open with myself and I let myself fully express.

I definitely won't fit anywhere into mainstream boxes, but luckily I don't have to. Nobody does, we just have a habit of trying to. I feel liberated and joyous with the full allowance of who I really am. I will be unique and that will be celebrated by God.

We are here to know ourselves.

We are here to be ourselves,

We are here to love ourselves.

Brad ZayacComment
Charge Your Heart to Live YOUR Life

Do you want to be alive?

Can you answer that question honestly?

It's not possible to partially live.

You either live or don't live.

You either throw yourself fully into things in front of you or you start to die and the universe begins the recycling process. 

We don't see the dying immediately because it happens slowly in the realm of thought first, before working into feelings and then finally showing up in the body.

This experience might be familiar:
You are faced with a challenging situation that brings you fear. You have a moment to decide: do I do what's right for my heart even though its scary or do I back down to stay safe and secure?

When you choose to do what's right, you are opening your heart to the infinite life force energy available to us at all times. You are inviting more of the universe into your body and life. You are receiving pure, unfiltered love directly from its source. You are expressing your true freedom.

When in the past you chose to hold back, you were closing off to love. You were refusing the infinite life force energy of the universe. You were choosing to die.

You might have noticed that as soon as you in the past made that decision to contract, that the mind came in a verbalized a reason as to why. That reason, that belief, that idea was the beginning of the death process. It was a tension/constriction of life force that you may or may not still be carrying. That belief is not true. That rationalization is false.

Choosing fear over freedom enough times leads to a premature death, and more tragically it means the world receives less of the beauty and uniqueness that is you.

I'll ask again.

Do you want to be alive?

Every challenge you experience is the universe asking you this question. Even if you answer yes with all your heart to one challenge, it doesn't stop and give you a free pass forever. You make this decision in every moment.

Are you ready to decide to fully live every moment?

Can you honestly feel the response to the above inquiry?

I will offer a tool I have had tremendous success with for embodying my life force.

Charge your heart.

In preparation for breaking through, charge your heart.

If you notice the mind rambling or wandering, redirect that mental energy into an imagination that lights you up. This can be a simple gratitude or appreciation for being alive. It can be a passionate determination and desire for freedom. It can be an enlightening joy for your ability to explore.

Sometimes, I will remember and sense my lineages and astral entourage, feeling their support. I might invite the spirit of my beloved into my awareness to receive her radiant inspiration. I might imagine the details of my most exciting upcoming creation.

By redirecting mental energy back into the heart, you fuel up for your next opportunity to choose freedom. You not only know/see the truth, you are the truth. You are freedom. You are life expressing your unique love.

I'll ask one more time...

Do you want to be alive?

Show me.

Brad ZayacComment
How to Protect Yourself in Relationship - Try to Scare Them Away with Your Truth

I chose this title to appeal to the part of you that is afraid. 

Fear is a contractive emotion that inhibits the expression of your most authentic self.

We can continue to play the games of the past, trying to fit ourselves into the boxes we were told would bring us happiness...


we can faithfully trust our inner guidance to lead us to a life of easy joy and happiness.

We can continue to squeeze and make ourself smaller to avoid the discomfort of uncertainty


we can boldly let our beautifully unique truth expand and express from our heart.

We can contract and constrict, slowly cutting off our life force energy and bringing us closer to death.


we can joyfully expand our life force energy by relentlessly trusting the source of our feeling.

We make this choice in every moment. 

When we come together with another, the fears inevitably show up. Human to human true connection and recognition is something our soul yearns for deeply, yet rarely receives. Relationship and especially partnership is one of those opportunities where we tend to go deep with each other on a regular basis. We have a chance of this soul connection and recognition.

The faintest hope of receiving connection and recognition from a potential partner can often paradoxically cause us to hide or close off some of our heart. "If they see this part of me, they will judge me and leave me alone. I won't have the chance to show them all the good parts of me. They won't love me if they saw all of who I really am. I will just hide that for long enough for them to really love me, then maybe I can tell them the truth."

Love is not logical.

Fear is heaviness for the heart. That contractive feeling is something the heart must maintain in order to keep the fear hidden. The fear congests the heart and inspires action that furthers the contraction and exhausts the body's reserves. Fear and joy cannot coexist simultaneously.

So, in relationship, how do we protect ourselves from this damaging of the heart that fear causes?

Faith is the fear neutralizer. Knowing deep in our soul that "all is well". Whether I am single or in relationship, whether I am overburdened with emotion and challenge or anxious about what might happen...

All is well

From faith, we have the foundation for true self love. "The integrity of my inner feelings and heart space is more important than the external image of being in a relationship". "I love myself enough to courageously express my sincere feelings and deepest vulnerabilities". 

If a fear shows up in my awareness: "I don't know if they can handle this part of my past", "What they did really triggered me", "I'm feeling totally shitty right now and could use some help" We truthfully express the fear and the story behind it. The expression of truth could completely destroy the connection and inspire challenging conversation. That fear could be the tip of the iceberg that releases a cascade of fear upon fear. It can get really heavy.

When it get's heavy, just remember that we used to be holding onto that heaviness. The challenge and discomfort is an opportunity to release the heaviness and create more lightness and space within ourselves. By constantly looking to the back of the heart space and expressing that energy, we are clearing and freeing ourselves.

And I am sure you have felt that sense of relief in expressing something challenging. The feeling of freedom and lightness. And usually afterwards, the response is not as bad as you thought it was going to be. 

When we express from our authentic feelings from the heart, we are telling the universe "I am fully here as my uniquely creative self, I am alive and a valuable vessel for consciousness. Support me with the lightness and joy for my continued co-creation."

By setting this standard not only in relationship, but also for ourself, we can free ourselves every moment of every day. What are the things you've been afraid to tell yourself? What parts of you do you avoid looking at?

We have the opportunity to show ourselves what unconditional love and compassion can be. "Wow I did that, and it feels super shitty", "This part of myself almost disgusts me", "I don't even want to be on this earth", "I don't deserve this life". Whatever rings deep inside the head, can you hear it, see it without the need to turn away, rationalize or escape it? Can you fully see yourself from a place of clarity? Can you let yourself be seen and heard?

This is self love.

Once we've got some practice with self love, then we can really start to love a partner and the world. 


Brad ZayacComment
The cock as the lightning straw

My adventures in magick and alchemy have brought me to some pretty fun places recently within the sexual arena.

After some major inner work, clearing sexual power blocks that were related to my relationship with my parents, I got a renewed wave of hope and inspiration for the inner alchemy practices. Id like to share some images and visuals I have been using to understand and deepen my sexual energy practice.

The cock is a lightning straw.

It collects charge in the form of excitement and pleasure, then can discharge the energy through vacuum pressure with creative force.

A while back, I got a medieval myopractic adjustment using an old school table that hinges in the middle at my waist while I was strapped in by the ankles and rib cage. I lay face down and it opens, pulling the spine longitudinally. It's not widely practiced because of the potential liability. It is so uncommon that I can't even google a picture of the table. I have a video of one of my sessions, but the practitioner asked me not to share it publicly.

"Three nice breaths and on the third one we pull..."





"Three, trust, trust, trust..."



[20 minutes of AGHing later]

ahhhhh, oohhhhh, mmmmmmmmm, grrrrr

Basically the table tears open the low back in the most powerful release I've ever received. It can release all the lumbar vertebrae simultaneously and cause a massive movement of previously stuck energy.

I share this story because from that adjustment I experienced a major influx of chi right into my whole pelvis. It changed my whole posture. My legs felt lighter than air, I was invigorated with tremendous raw power, I felt the whole cosmic joke of all that is and was able to play with it in new way, and most relevant for this article:

it felt as if my cock was rooted all the way into my sacrum. There was a giant shaft of light that extended all the way through the pelvic floor, making my cock feel like it was 15 inches long, basically as an extension of the spine.

The peak of the effects wore off soon after as the energy dispersed and my body integrated. There were definitely some permanent shifts, but the 15 inch cock of light faded away...

As you might imagine, having that taste of what's possible fed me massive inspiration to discover how I can permanently maintain that cock of light and the sense of vitality, presence, lightness and purpose that comes with it. I've since been doing a lot of work to release trauma within the hips and psoas. I will share more on how I do this later.

Coming back to present, I've had a major breakthrough in seeing the most direct way to feed and strengthen my cock of light and it has to do with this model of the lightning straw.

Energetically, I see the light cock as the complete extension of the fully open and activated spinal chord, corresponding to the governor vessel in Chinese medicine. By working directly with the energy of the spine, opening, feeding, stimulating the balanced electrical activity, I can improve the sense of communication and connectedness within my whole body.

And sex is a great source of energy.

I will speak from the place of solo practice as that is what I have been diving deeply into recently. 

I engage my imagination with a fantasy that not only lights up my cock, but also my heart. It's been entertaining to watch the evolution of my fantasies as all the old sexual programming falls away. They become less about raw, detached, conquering energy and more innocent and playful, honestly exploring what authentically turns me on. I can even get turned on by imagining talking to, expressing my feelings to a woman in my life, or just completely make up an alien planet full of horny warrior goddesses.

I used to have some resistance to fantasizing, as I didn't want to get lost in the mind and disconnect from the body. Then I realized that the mind IS the body and that energy is energy. If it feels good for me to dive deeply into fantasy, the images I am creating and the excitement I feel from that is building a bridge connecting my brain to my heart and cock. By diving fully into imagination through sexual fantasy, I am bringing my energy centers a sense of wholeness and connectedness.

I am using my fully present mind to start opening and activating the heart and cock. All three dantiens are synced up and unified for this singular purpose of sexual energy play. 

As the excitement builds, I can feel the energy gather in my cock. I can sense and feel how close I am to the point of no return, the point where the energy is too much for my cock to handle and it seeks release. Funny how that point is flexible. If I approach it carefully and tip toe across, I can relax and those gyrations that normally begin orgasm will start but not finish. Playing at the edge expands the edge. Doing this from a relaxed, fully committed place is the key, any hesitation and you lose the benefits.

And if I happen to fall over the edge, I can do a power lock to more forcefully stop release. A power lock is when you squeeze all the major muscle groups except for the back and spine, especially the feet, legs, hands, jaw, perineum, and face. Looks funny but it works. There can be a little bit of downtime as all the energy of excitement that was in the cock has now gone into all the muscles. It can take a moment to re-energize, but it's much quicker and more sustainable than constant ejaculation for how often I practice. 

I've been doing the above edge play for several years, but I noticed something very new within the past few days...

With high levels of excitement and specific forms of breathing, I could charge up my cock and instead of expelling it or just waiting for it to cool down, I could discharge my cock backwards, drawing it through the cock of light into the tailbone and up the spine. I call it a straw because I noticed my breathing pattern was like this:

Inhale with an open "o-shaped" mouth while charging up, like sipping from a straw, cock muscles activate without tension. Exhale, relax cock muscles then gently, subtly squeeze anal muscles and the energy shoots up the spine as far as it can.

This is what anyone who is into inner alchemy will consider very duh-worthy, everyones trying to blast energy up into the head. I personally found I could shoot energy up the spine and start to work on a couple blocks that were there. I've heard about it for so long, and felt whispers of things in the past. Now it feels so satisfying to finally have it embodied!

All the energy play is fun and feels super exciting to me. There is a very specific part of this that I feel directly builds the cock of light.

It has to do with the moment of charging up the cock. 

I was laying down on my back as I was practicing and I found that if I jam my sacrum down, activating but not tensing my legs and feet, glutes completely relaxed, the charge capacity increases tremendously. As the excitement builds, I very consciously bring my awareness to the sacrum and feel my energy cock elongating and expanding. I can maintain much higher levels of excitement without release either out or up. The pure building of energy all held within my cock of light. 

It feels like this expansion of energy capicitance within the cock expands and opens all the energetic/nerve channels in that area, building and creating a more embodied cock of light. It also feels like the effect is exponential, in that the more deeply I can go with presence and faith into higher and higher levels of excitement, the more an more exponentially my capacity to hold it becomes.

After a session of solidly charging up my light cock, I noticed some profound changes.

I felt more effortlessly grounded and present, with clarity on what my path and next point of excitement is.

I felt lighter, much more able to laugh and joke, have fun with friends and not get caught up in mental analysis.

I felt expanded psychic capacities and intuition. In one day there were five separate occasions where I picked up on exactly the right thing and was able to deliver with lightness and grace that facilitated empowerment and humor rather than judgement and smartassyness.

I felt more aliveness and energy! Invigoration and vitality!

And more...

Needless to say, I was blown away by this and finally understand why the sexual energy is foundational for any alchemy practice. 

My next play practice is to build up the charge while simultaneously drawing it up the spine, using the energy to completely open my microcosmic orbit, middle and upper dantiens.

With the sexual practice, intense physical practice, Arizona sun and cold cold spring-fed creek water, I've already been feeling massive adjustments and openings all over my body, expanding into my entire life.

The realm of infinite possibilities and lifelong orgasmic bliss keeps opening infinitely!

Brad ZayacComment
Smiling with ferocity

I feel a vigor rising as I rise out of a wave of darkness. 

That feeling when all the shit hits the fan at once. Woah, how am I gonna ever feel clean in this room ever again?

Getting flooded by anxiety or disconnectedness, with a life that leaves little time to re-center. Boy, do I love to challenge myself... both consciously and unconsciously.

And boy do I love the part of me that loves to challenge myself. 

I have felt recently that challenging part reawakening.

As I got deeper into my meditation practice, or more specifically some of the concepts I was using to assist my meditation practice, I thought and talked a lot about effortlessness and letting things be easy, relaxing all effort. This was key to my depressed and overworking self at the time. I released some of the pressure on myself and created some space to reconnect with God in stillness. From a calm and peaceful place, I could continue my practice without self-judgement.

There is nothing that needs to be done, everything is perfect as it is now.

The above is indeed true, but it leaves a key part out.

We were given these bodies to be in the world as our unique self. We were given these bodies to create and pour out of our overflowing heart into the world. This is a big experimental playground for us to explore and create.

Ammending the statement, I might say:

There is nothing that needs to be done, everything is perfect as it is now, so play and play hard to your heart's unique tune.

The play is the key tune in my sphere currently. We have the option to step out of the world, gaining the clarity of the pure observer state through constant meditation. There can be much peace in this path and many have taken it.


We can fully step into the world and play ferociously with our heart's highest joy. We can stay in the infinite openness and see what it is our unique bodymind system is here to experiment with and create. What are our unique gifts? How can we break through to the next level? We can face with a smile anything that shows up, seeing it as the next toy to play with.

This is the creative, life-force generating process. Fueled by passion and drive, we take our lives to the next level. Higher and higher states of love, happiness, excitement and joy expanding infinitely beyond infinity. 

With each metamorphosis, we break free of falsely imprinted programming and step more fully into our individuated expression. We create more in alignment with our heart's true message. We shine brighter and brighter.

I have been reaffirming the decision and declaration to be here in a body, to fully step in and engage with life. I am rooted in the knowing of my true infinite nature and I enjoy breathing in my authentic passion for life and its challenges. I am constantly opening myself more to what it means to be me and letting go of old imprinted habits and patterns. 

I smile with ferocity to life and whatever presents.


Brad ZayacComment
Activating the will - love, power or both?

Within the meditation circles I frequent, I hear much talk about love and light. I hear how everything is made of the same loving light energy and that we have only to open our hearts to receive the infinite love of all that is. 

I have explored this in my meditations and have gotten caught in continuous love waves that I’ve been able to truly feel love in response to everything. It was a joy and an opening. I now truly know and feel that love is infinitely available. 

I can see why so many people have dedicated their lives to this love-deepening practice and what a gift it is for the world. 

And as I am fully honest with myself,  love does not excite me in the same way that power does. 

By power, I mean the feeling that my body is being maximally utilized to do work and impact the world. That my passion and excitement makes its way into the physical and in my death I feel I have fully exhausted my heart’s creative potential.  

I feel power deep in my root when my meridians are opened and fully charged. This power feeds a passion for engagement with everything that is in my environment. With my full power active, I can move mountains with ease, joy and love.  

True excitement, desire and passion to use the will to create is embodying our Creator nature. I have been enjoying the constant progress of purifying my will so that the motivation comes from its truest source.  

The reason power gets a bad rap sometimes is that the people who exercise their power often times are deciding within paradigms based on culturally imposed and stagnant beliefs.  

The belief that we are separate means one person can have power over another.  

Because I no longer hold that belief, as I step more fully into my own power, I know I am empowering the entirety of all that is.

My power is not for the preservation of my personal story. My power is for whatever calls for it.

I know I am using my power well when I require less and less rest. when I use my power for the good of all, I have all of creation supporting me. Things seem to work out, I am materially abundant, and all the right people and things show up at the right time.

If one of my creations is facing struggle and frustration, I know I may need to re-examine my motivation and purify my intention.  

Power is related to the strength of my spirit. As I open to the universe, the universe asks more of me. How much can I open and say yes to what I know is right, even as it is difficult or challenges me? How dedicated to my own empowerment am I? Can I keep going as my body becomes more exhausted?  

Exhuasting the power vehicle makes space for more power. The more aligned the work is, the more deep the exhaustion, the more deep the rest, and the more deep the expansion into new levels of power.  

The mind fed by cultural beliefs may try to fight the work, saying whatever it can to keep me a slave. When my work is chosen from my body, I know my body will be able to do the work even if there are frustrating moments.

Every time I trust my intuition despite a frightened mind, I more deeply embody my power and expand into my uniqueness. 

The purification of power is a form of love. The deep satisfaction I feel from good work is surely one of God’s highest forms of love.  

Earlier I said I choose power over love.

Perhaps I can revise and say I choose love through power.  


Brad ZayacComment
Maximizing Life Force Density

What is the point of living a long time  if most of that time I’m not actually living?

I’ve noticed a pattern with some of my decisions coming from the avoidance of danger or promotion of comfort to preserve my lifespan. 

I’ve left parties early to make sure I get enough rest. I’ve said no to well-loved food because I thought it was “unhealthy”. I’ve kept my perspectives quiet to avoid rocking boats.  

What results from these kinds of decisions is comfort.  

A syonymn for comfort is numbness.  

A bed is comfortable when you can lie in it and not feel anything. Perhaps comfort is an appropriate trait for a bed, but I can’t help questioning if that is what I really want to cultivate in my life... 

Comfort is safe, convenient, easy. It doesn’t require deep contemplation or processing. There can be some minor pleasant experiences in comfort.  

Comfort has a few things going for it and it is just as valid a choice to make as anything else.  

I am making a different choice.  

I choose truth, freedom and life.  

The truth is that more hope brings more pain.  

Freedom requires persistence and passion.  

Life is about fully diving into what is right here right now.  

Notice above you don’t see the word “comfort”.

I used to think that I would evolve and develop myself so that eventually I would get to a place where I didn’t have to do anything anymore.  

Now I see that the personal evolution process occurs for its own sake.  

I level up so that I can level up so that I can level up so that I can level up.  

The universe itself doesn’t have a purpose, or at least a purpose that can be put into words. As soon as you begin to describe, you lose the truest essence.  

We just do what we do, then the mind tells some sort of story. 

As I feel myself becoming more embodied in my truth, it is clear that I am here to rise up. I am here to face all the colors of the world with my whole and already-complete heart. 

I am not here to focus on living for a long future.  

I am here to do everything I can right now.  

I am here to be my authentic self relentlessly and fiercely.  

I am here to be the last one at the party.  

I am here to fully enjoy the love of all the food available to me.  

I am here to speak the truth of my complete heart.  

I don’t to get to choose what shows up. I do get to choose how much I am willing to engage with it. I do get to choose how long I want to be stuck. I do get to choose to get fired up at my stuckness and frustrate myself to the next level.

I do get to choose how much of my lifeforce I bring to each moment.

We were born to be here.  

Death is a part of life. Living and deciding from the place afraid of death gets in the way of life. Living from the pure joy and excitement of life here now brings more life force density and by its nature repels death. 

In other words. As I live fully, I show God that my life is worth keeping around, because I am supporting the creation with my life force.  

Death, disease and decay come from the atrophy of lifeforce. They come from those places in the mindbody that have conceded to comfort and stuckness because of culturally imposed beliefs. The beliefs trap and stop the flow of life force, signalling to the universe that it’s time for death to step in and recycle.  

So to live more life, I don’t look at how much linear time I spend in a body slowly dying. Living more life is about bringing more of my true self into this moment with what is happening right in front of me. 

I am increasing my life force density.  

Perhaps I will live a life of 50 years. Perhaps I will live a life of 300 years. Either way I will have brought more of my uniquely filtered life force energy into the world and I will be fully satisfied. 

The world wants to have more of me in it. And it wants more of you too.  

Brad ZayacComment
Loving my frustration - the key to leveling up!

I mentioned in a previous blog post that my sharings appear to be taking a turn.

For the past several months, I have been deep on the path of Self realization, seeking to know mySelf experientially through meditation. It has been a profound journey resulting expansive joy, clarity and truth that I have not known up until this point.

Because the path of meditation was so powerful for me, a natural excitement arose to share this with the world and support others with their meditation. Voila, my website was born!

With a recent turn of events, I broke through to yet another level and discovered that my sharings are not only limited to meditation. There is another passion of mine that has pushed its way through the birth canal into my creative flow.

This other passion goes by many names: empowerment, metamorphosis, ascension, leveling up, etc.

My favorite word for it is Magick. 

Where meditation opens me to higher levels of love, magick opens me to higher levels of power.

A famous quote from Aleister Crowley that sums up magick:

"Do as thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. Love is the Law, love under will"

In a world where everyone is aligned with their true will, following your true will is the only law needed.

I.E. Do what you want to do. Seek to know who you are better so you can better know what you really want to do.

Magick therefore is about the manifestation of will. With how much precision and speed can you manifest what you want? That is your magickal power.

The reality of most people reading this and most people in the world is that we don't have a connection to our truest will. We have been so bombarded and overwhelmed by the abundance of societal programming and cultural conditioning that what we think we want is in fact what our mind tells us we should want. Very few people actually do what they really want.

The idea of "follow your highest excitement" shows up in Self realization circles. This is what Crowley was talking about.

The heart is the source of excitement and the ultimate barometer for our highest timeline. By following what excites you, you are doing what you want and creating a world where we no longer need the rigid structures and establishments that are barely being held together today.

With enough of a connection and embodiment of our true individuation free of culture conditioning, genuine waves of passion and excitement are supported by deep faith that all is well.

So how do we embody more of our unique self?

It is about clearing and transcending! Facing the darkness and going through it into the truth beyond.

Frustration is stuckness. Stuckness can feel comfortable and safe. Stuckness slows things down so we don't have to face everything all at once.

If you are on this path of leveling up to embody your higher self, stuckness and frustration are your greatest friends and teachers.

Frustration is the "grrr" sound you make when you run up against an obstacle. The "grrr" comes from your motor getting stuck temporarily.

I'll narrow your options at this point down to two choices:

1. Stay stuck and frustrated.


2. Rev up your engine and upshift into the next gear.

Whatever you choose is all good, there will always be another level. There will always be frustration. It's not like if you level up enough that you "win". It's about leveling up for leveling up's sake. 

After we level up, the frustration energy is converted to satisfaction. You are at a whole new level of your being, exploring what it means to be this new you. 

And then....

The frustration returns. Life keeps moving and going. The lifeforce that causes all motion is calling for your input. The cycle continues.

In other words:

There is no destination. Nowhere to go.

You can either be stuck, avoiding, numbing ignoring your frustration.


You can embrace the process and throw your entire being into the frustration so you can pop through to the next level.

This is why I love my frustration.

In fact, many of the tantric and magickal sex practices are about intentionally cultivating and practicing your ability to hold higher and higher frequencies of frustration within your being. 

Frustration is like the buildup of a charge. The more frustration you can hold in one moment is the more energy you can move through your being. You have more energy to clear out the gunk and get to the truth of who you are.

I will invite you to play with this for yourself. Let yourself tune into the stuckness in your life. Where have you had enough?

Let yourself fully feel the frustration. I even let out the "grrr" whenever I authentically can. The expression is a release and will let the frustration move to be put into action.  

Be aware that as you start to dance this way with the universe, things will show up in your life to get you stuck. You will start to purge emotions and attract the experiences that let you see what has been hiding in you. Leveling up is not easy. Leveling up is not comfortable. Leveling up can be fun and not fun.

Yet leveling up is being alive. Leveling up is your life force energy going to work. Leveling up is how we are going to clean up the messes of people before us. There is no guaranteed reward or break from leveling up.

Leveling up is just leveling up. 

Brad ZayacComment
The ES Podcast #5 - Laura Paskell-Brown, Doula for your soul

I am so grateful to have connected with Laura Paskell-Brown (@doulaforyoursoul on instagram) while she was co-hosting a retreat in Sedona. Laura calls herself a Soul Doula, assisting in the birth of people's souls through her soft yet powerful presence. In this episode we chat about our processes of embodiment and specifically Laura's journey from studying for her PhD in New York City to hosting her private retreats in the Berkshires of Massachussetts. Laura tells us about her special connection with trees and shares some of her insights on facilitating the birth of the souls with the help of wild nature and authentic presence.

Check her out:

@doulaforyoursoul on instagram

Brad ZayacComment
Shifting tides

I am accustomed to having my world rocked.

It seems just about every three weeks, I will undergo a massive internal shift that completely changes the vision I had for the future. Maybe eventually I will learn to operate without envisioning the future to save me the shock! Maybe I will admit to myself that I love the change that makes my life unpredictable and exciting....

With this blog and website becoming more fully formed, the shift is more noticeable. My vision for where I was going with my sharings has changed drastically over these past few days and I am now in a place of humility, curious to see how it takes shape.

I felt called to write about the shift to help clarify and communicate what I am now seeing.

Before, my focus was embodiment. I was sharing on how to get into the heart and process internally in order to expand into a more embodied, heart-based freedom of existence. Though much depth and joy for me in sharing this way, something wasn't quite complete.

It's challenging to talk about God directly.

Mostly an article like this or a video or podcast is me talking to my audience's mind. Trying to get the mind to understand what a heart-based existence looks like is an uphill battle. Only those who are already well on the path are most suited to receiving that kind of work. The language ends up being super abstract and the concepts very lofty and airy. There is definitely a space for this kind of sharing, but I don't see it as my most authentic style of expression.

In undergoing a recent fast, I was able to so clearly see many things as I got closer to God. I got to experience to true magic and resiliency of my mind-body system, and I feel it set the stage for the awakening of my spiritual gifts. 

I used to think spiritual gifts were like psychic superpowers of telepathy and third-eye vision that required much devotion and discipline in order to access. Of course the universe revealed to me how wrong that antiquated paradigm is and how simple the truth is. I'll explain what I mean by going through the experience of me realizing my primary spiritual gift. 

For my whole adult life, I have loved playing with food. Not only eating, but cooking, preparing, sharing, experimenting, working, etc. It has been a comfort, a grounding tool, a joy, a challenge, an addiction, an escape, a refuge, a safety net. My relationship with food runs deep. A Taoist priest told me "The Eat God" is in my Chinese astrology. It also shows up in my western astrology and human design charts in some form. Hosting dinner parties and cooking for people has always been effortlessly fun and expansively full of joy. 

When I cook, everything seems to go just right. I don't use measuring tools or plan ahead. I just show up in the kitchen, see what I have and then make something simple and amazing.

All these things were going on and I was taking it for granted. I didn't think anything of it because it was so natural and consistent. I was looking so far away for my purpose and joy in life. I was trying to define it through my mind. I was looking so hard that I didn't see what was right in front of me.

It took this most recent fast (and a theta healing session calling for the revealing of my spiritual gifts) for the truth to finally be unveiled. 

It is so simple. It is so easy. It is so effortless. It was here all along. 

Connection with food is my spiritual gift.

It is that simple. Every moment that I am eating, preparing, cooking, sharing or anything involving food, is a direct communion with God. In those moments, I am serving my highest spiritual purpose and I am doing the most work for our collective ascension.

My mind was trying to make my life way more complicated than it needed to be. 

I spend time with food, and God takes care of the rest. Simple as that.

This is what I have learned to call a spiritual gift. 

And by sharing my spiritual gift with others, I share God with others.

What I was originally trying to do in creating this website, I can accomplish by simply enjoying the food realm to it fullest and sharing this joy with others. I am still sharing God with with others. The food way is the indirect approach and I would guess ultimately more effective.

From now on, this website will be devoted to the sharing of my connection to food with the world. I don't know what it will look like or turn into. I just see myself in each moment deepening my connection to food and eating. Each inspiration brings more love into the world and I see this website as a perfect vessel to communicate with the world.

Feel free to share your own food feelings in the comments below or directly with me. I can and do spend my entire days thinking, talking, preparing, eating food. So bring it on, let's go!

Brad ZayacComment
The ES Podcast #4 - Nina Starsong and her Divine Romance

Nina Starsong is a gifted intuitive as well as singer and performer. She has traveled far and wide sharing her gifts! In this episode, Nina and I dive deep into the dynamics of masculine feminine energies. She describes her very intimate relationship with the Creator, being an instrument through which the univers can create music and her motivation for upcoming travels to Paris.

Brad ZayacComment
Brad Talks - Live stream 3/11/18 Fasting, feeling, and upcoming fun stuff

I'm loving these live streams as another avenue of expression. Here I talk about my fast (currently day 3), moving through the stuckness and density into lightness and joy and I talk a little bit about some upcoming fun stuff:

The Embody the Creator Playshop (April 21st! Check the events page!)
A whole day event of fun in and around Sedona, all designed to faciliate an ease of comfort and freedom through embodiment. Everything from guided movements, self massage, group hike, organic meal, guided meditation, group ceremony. Will be tons of fun. Contact me for more info and to RSVP

The Embodied Spirit Inner Circle
I am creating a space to host premium content and make myself even more available to those who resonate with what I am doing. I'll be sharing all the how to's, practical tips and all having to do with my unique way of life for deeper embodiment. It will be a monthly subscription platform where you get access to the content as well as a private facebook group, access to monthly webinars and Q&A's hosted by me and a discount on all my products and services. Super excited to make so much good stuff available to people out there who resonate.

Brad ZayacComment