On Stuckness

Life is seen in its motion. There is a constant flow of life force pouring through us in every moment.

Just like ants or bees, we are here to be in motion, serving a higher organism (the hive or anthill). We don’t necessarily need a conscious awareness of what’s going on with the higher organism because we are inherently a part of it. Our intuition is rooted in this connection.

By trusting our intuitive guidance, we naturally align with the higher forces and can fulfill our role and purpose in creation.

But what about Netlfix?

Humans have more complex ego structures than bees or ants, so we have the ability to get stuck. We have the ability to clench our energy centers and impede the flow of life force, like crimping a hose. Eventually the pressure backs up and causes all sorts of disfunction in the form of physical, mental and spiritual disease.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with Netflix, it’s a place to receive inspiration. But when I’m on hour four of binge watching stupid TV shows or spiritual documentaries, I have to ask myself this question:

Is this healthy, or am I just afraid of taking the next steps toward my dream?

Sure, maybe sometimes my body needs some physical rest and my spirit needs some upliftment. Laughter truly is medicine, sometimes my life force energy needs to go into rest, self-care and rejuvenation…

But there’s a point where the breath comes to a halt, where the consciousness is getting sucked into the screen, where the feeling sense becomes quiet and disconnected. Its at this point that it becomes clear there’s some sort of avoidance.

Stuckness can take on many forms: lethargy, apathy, but also anxiety or busyness, anger, frustration, but also fear or hiding

Harmonious creativity feels light and neutral. Any polarizing thought or feeling comes from ego.

Nature just is for isness sake. It creates because it is alive in the Here and Now. Any time we have a strong opinion or thought about anything one way or the other, we know that there is attachment limiting our capacity to be present and connected.

It’s these attachments that slow down our progress or otherwise cause stuckness. Resistance to certain truths, unprocessed traumas resurfacing, unconscious fears dictating behavior, etc.

And the quickest way out is through. There is no skipping or shortcuts in the spirit world.

Only by fully facing and receiving the message of the stuckness can we make the authentic decision to get moving again. Otherwise any movement from unprocessed stuckness carries the weight of that stuckness, continually attracting more stuckness until you finally face it.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with being stuck, its just that if you want true fulfillment and satisfaction from life, that comes from the opening and allowing of life force energy (i.e. love) to flow.

I’d like to offer a simple mantra to meditate upon that helps me with this. I hope it can help you to:

Smile, breathe, move.

Brad ZayacComment
Can You Honestly Commit?

I am currently facing some big decisions around career and love. It’s been a lot of deep feeling and facing hard truths.

With a world of infinite possibility, it is easy to dream and fantasize about what I’d like to do. Yes I’d like to be a world-renowned healer, speaker, entrepreneur, a devoted husband, father, community member. But as I sit with each of these dreams, I’m faced with the question:

Is it really true for me?

Yes it would be nice if I could be focusing every moment to the achieving of my goals, but the Truth right now is I’ve got some messes to clean up. And clinging too tightly to these dreams can set me up for falling short of expectations. Being so focused on my vision, I have a tendency of losing sight of what is right in front of me.

What is the fuel of your ambition?

Is it a desperate hope for an escape plan from the realities of being on the Earth? Is it an attempt to finally earn some approval and respect from your parents and peers? Is it a terror of facing the traumas of your past?

These are some questions I’ve had to sit with.

Achievement and creativity are beautiful opportunities for humans to express themselves, but if they happen at the expense of Truth, I’m not interested. The Truth lays the foundation for sustainable and harmonious growth. The Truth is what allows your creativity to be fueled by the divine inspiration rather than your own body and Earth’s precious resources. The Truth is what allows for life to be light yet profound, passionate yet free, sacred yet fun.

When rooted in the Truth, these commitments that we face take on a new light.

Yes it would be nice if I could commit to that, I really wish I could, but my body doesn’t have the energy to light up for it right now. If I did commit, it would be from my ego and would end up in the frustration of fight or flight. I’d only commit to that if I thought what I already have is not enough.

Instead I will focus on cleaning my room, being kind to strangers and paying my bills on time. Instead I will notice how the sunset hits those glorious red rocks or the sound of the birds chirping in the morning. Instead I will allow my heart to naturally expand and contract with each beat and breath.

I will stay present because I know that through being fully honest and present, fully enjoying what’s right here, that I will create a life of true fulfillment. I will have the energy of the entire universe behind me, so that when I can honestly commit, I can take it all the way to completion and satisfaction.

Brad ZayacComment
You Can Change

I’ve been looking back at the story of my journey since moving to Sedona….

Before coming here I was lost, confused, majorly stuck. There were days that I was so overwhelmed by my depression and frustration that I couldn’t even move myself off the floor. Everything had fallen apart. I had become a victim of my own fears.

Fear is subtle and comes in many forms. I wasn’t actively or consciously feeling afraid of anything, but every morning when I woke up, I would feel the wave of resistance holding me back. I was afraid to move forward because I didn’t want to fail, I didn’t want to be seen as a failure or experience the hardship that actual accomplishment requires.

I was so traumatized by my past failures and experiences that I wasn’t sure I even wanted to keep going. Thoughts of ending everything constantly roamed my mind. Either that or becoming a world-class super villain.

In the depths of the darkness I started to want something different. I knew a good life was possible and that I had everything I needed to make it, I just didn’t know what I really wanted or how to get it.

I felt the call toward the light.

I felt the warmth of the Sun having everything I need. I knew I needed to go to Sedona.

There was plenty of doubt. It wasn’t a logical choice. I didn’t know anyone or have any connections or logical reason to be there, so I found one:

I was going to go to massage school.

Honestly, it was just a last ditch effort to try and have a job where I could make fast money for little of my time. Little did I know it was me starting to step into my True purpose and calling in my work.

So I set up my van to sleep out of and drove across the country to Sedona.

I was met with one of Sedona’s unique snow storms to match the icy-cold grip that fear had on my heart. The storms where its so dry that the snow forms tiny hale-like pellets that fall down from the sky. And of course, needing to prove that I’m worth something, I jumped in the ice-cold creek first thing.

Welcome to Sedona!

Those first couple weeks were like finally acknowledging how icy I had become inside. Some mornings after sleeping in my van I would wake up with ice in my beard, I had no friends, no job, no home, no money. I was so cold, lonely, afraid.

But something in me had hope.

I soon started massage school, got a job at the Chocolatree and stepped into my Sedona story.

I spent a lot of time naked in the wilderness doing spiritual practice, or going to the Sedona potlucks and music jams, sharing my perspectives on spirituality and awakening with others who were genuinely interested in the same things as me. I joined a yoga cult, got married (and divorced), went to jail, tried to run away to California, almost died climbing Thunder mountain, and all around had some profound and transformative experiences that have changed me on a fundamental level.

I learned how to manage my emotional energy and really express my truth. I learned how to show up fully in my massages and share my gifts with the world. I learned how to really vulnerably show myself to a woman and experienced depths of connection and love that I had only heard about in movies.

But the biggest lesson I’ve proven to myself is that its possible to change.

There’s a belief out there that personality is constant, that genetics determine what you are capable of, that having more time on this Earth means you grow older. Let me just say publicly here and now that none of those are true.

The truth is that you have tremendous creative capacity to change who you are and therefore change the world.

You can face your fears and create a life that is more than you ever thought possible. You have the option to live a life beyond your dreams, a life of true fulfillment.

You can heal your suffering on a fundamental and permanent level.

You don’t have to be limited by your past mistakes or upbringing. Every single moment is an opportunity to make a different decision and go somewhere new.

Who you are is for you to decide.

I’ve experienced first-hand a dramatic shift of how I show up in this world. The ease and lightness with which I can move and create in the world is a testament to what’s possible for every human.

So no matter how depressed or frustrated you are now. No matter how alone you feel or how much you judge yourself, please know that you are capable of something new and different, something lighter and more fun, something with more substance and depth, something with more love and truth.

And its up to you to make it.

Brad ZayacComment
Stay and Play

When the going get’s tough, stay and play.

The sympathetic nervous system gets a bad rap within the health and wellness community. Everyone is talking about trying to get out of fight or flight (sympathetic) into rest and digest (parasympathetic). They treat the sympathetic nervous system like its the bad guy responsible for the western epidemic of stress.

Let’s have some sympathy for our sympathetic nervous system.

Yes it is important to set aside time for deep rest and relaxation as the parasympathetic has time to kick on. With my job as a massage therapist, I see the profound healing effects of relaxation every day. But on the Earth, we need to work and make money, we are faced with challenges and stressors all the time. We can’t stay in parasympathetic all the time no matter how nice it feels.

For the longest time I had this feeling that something was missing in how we think about the sympathetic nervous system. I knew it wasn’t just there as a backup for when we needed to run away from sabertooth tigers. The body has layers to it. There’s more going on.

I’d like to offer you a different way of thinking about the stress in your life.

The fundamental requirement for this new thought to work is the acceptance and commitment to be alive in a body on the Earth in society.

If there’s any resistance to basic truths about the work that is here for us to do, egoic fear will come in and it won’t work all the way. It requires a total leap of faith into life.

What if we flipped the sympathetic nervous system around?

Let’s swap fight or flight (fear-based)


Stay and play (faith-based)

Do you see that? I just took the opposite words and discovered the true purpose of the sympathetic nervous system.

Now I’m not claiming to be the first to have discovered this, or that I have yet fully embodied this thought, but it sure is catchy isn’t it? It rhymes so it must be true.

What this has done for me has helped me take a new look at stress. Not as something to avoid or try to minimize, but as something to leap all the way into fearlessly and funly.

The sympathetic nervous system is here for alertness and heightened attention, awakeness. It’s what stimulates us and energizes us. Its the perfect tool for enhancing our ability to be fully present, attentive and masterful with what we are doing.

And when there is no fear around it, the breath can keep flowing and the stress chemicals can flow how they need to flow to be fully processed. When there is no fear, there is no need to run away or hide from our stressors, or to tense up and try and fight our way through. When there is no fear, the vision can open up and the creative capacity stays online to solve our problems smoothly in new ways. When there is no fear, what used to stress us out now gives us the opportunity to have a blast with life!

Just like everything else in life, the stressors are impermanent and will eventually lead to a space where we can relax and be calm again. Rinse, repeat.

It’s about not getting stuck in excitation or relaxation. One’s not better than the other. They are both a part of life in a body on Earth in society.

So I will invite you to play with this concept. You don’t have to brace yourself, freak out, or hide the next time something stressful shows up. Instead, remember your infinite nature and have a blast with it all the way to its completion!

Brad ZayacComment
Fear is Manmade

We are not meant to be afraid.

Fear is here right now. It keeps us surviving, but it is not something that is required for our living.

For the vast majority of people reading this right now, fear is almost never linked to danger or survival of the physical vessel. For the vast majority of people reading this right now, fear comes up around completely imagined dangers like money, vulnerability, failure, reputation or any vast number of things depending on your individual makeup.

You might say that it makes sense to be wary about these things because we need money to survive, we need success to make money, we need to hold things together to be successful, etc.

But if you look around you when you are experiencing fear, is there really anything right there in that moment to be afraid of?

Are you being chased by bad guys? Is there a dragon lurking around your house? Is someone running around with a knife?

I’m guessing you don’t live in a Game of Thrones reality.

The Truth is: You have to create an imagination in order to justify the fear.

Fear is a creation of our own minds.

And it doesn’t help us in any real way. The problems we face now don’t require more stress chemicals and muscular tension, they require more present awareness and clarity of mind and heart.

Fear is being created by our ego to protect us from pain and discomfort.

If we weren’t afraid, we might take more risks to achieve our dreams and face failure.

If we weren’t afraid, we might really speak our Truth even though it might upset people or get us labeled a weirdo.

If we weren’t afraid, we might let go of all our self sabotage and live a more full and vibrant satisfying life.

I know, sounds terrifying, right?

Fear is what prevents more love from coming into our life.

Fear and love is a primary duality in the universe.

When we are not in that light and fluffy purposely directed love state, joyfully creating our dream life, it is fear that is holding us back, keeping us small, clenched and tight.

But yet, every time fear shows up and we become aware, we have the opportunity to change our decision.

Even though I might upset this person, I’m going to choose to be honest. Even though it might be a huge failure, I’m going to take the leap. Even though it’s hard, I’m going to love this dragon thats chasing me.

Every time we are present with our face, staring head on, it has less power of us, making it easier and easier to choose love.

It is then that the heart rate increase and sweaty armpits of fear, becomes the increased heart rate and sweaty armpits of excited joy for love-filled creation.

That stressful meeting with the boss at work becomes your time to shine on stage fully as who you really are.

That tense moment with your partner becomes an opportunity to experience deep connection and new levels of the activities that follow ;).

That fight to your death with the dragon becomes your ticket into the immortality of fantasy novels.

If we can see how much of a gift it is to be on the Earth in our unique bodies, this whole experience becomes less about how much stress can I endure to more of how much fun can I have with everything that shows up? What is it really like to be me?

And without fear in the way, there is only me to be.

Brad ZayacComment
Lessons From the Wolf Spirit

For this most recent full moon, I spent some time absorbing the light and communing with the wolf spirit.

I have received some wolf medicine practices from the Darhat lineage of Mongolian shamanism. My teacher, Max Christensen, is the single last lineage holder for this thousands of years old tradition and shares and teaches these practices with the public during weekend workshops throughout the year. He is a true master of the old ways, teaching them very traditionally with a light and playful manor, and I highly recommend anything he does.

The purpose of these wolf practices is to open up your connection to the energy of the wolf spirit for healing and awakening. Doing these practices enough also awakens special wolf powers.

Though you have to go to Max to learn the practices, you can learn a lot about wolves by watching videos of them in the wild.


The greatest gift for me from the wolf spirit this full moon was the reminder that fun and enjoyment are required for depth of harmonious experience.

That and a heightened sensitivity to the smell of the various dog poops.

These practices are very intense, involving lots of hyperventilation through the mouth (like a wolf panting), and special movements to stimulate the flow of cerebrospinal fluid. Its a non-chemical way to enter into an altered state of consciousness. Because of the intensity of practice and just how different it is from normal waking consciousness, the egoic limbic brain has a tendency of jumping in and trying to tense the body, preparing for fight, flight or freeze.

I used to think that the more stress I could endure, the better I was doing in my spiritual practice.

All I got from that was some exhausted kidneys and a burnt out nervous system. But the real key, is when we consciously go into these states from a non-grasping, relaxed, light and fun place, that signals to the ego that there’s no real danger and it can calm down.


There was a moment where I was just starting to freak out from the breath—my body still has some residual trauma from all the no-fun abuse and punishment I’ve put it through (I love you body). Because I had fully committed to take the practice to completion, this kind of stress was not going to be sustainable and would cause me to quit.

Instead I felt a flash of the wolf spirit come in and immediately felt the kind of playful excitement you see in dogs and wolves. They are ready to dive into the world, running full speed toward an elk running away or a ball thats thrown, or sniffing whoever’s butt will let them. No reservations, no fear.

I saw this so clearly from watching the wolves hunt. Even when they are starving, their hunting instincts keep them relaxed and open in their movements. They aren’t trying to catch their prey, or afraid of what will happen if they don’t, they are simply singularly focused on having fun following their instincts.

Its less about enduring stress, and more about committing to play all the way.

It’s not about doing the practices perfectly, but being present as I allow the spiritual energy to flood my body.

The more and more I learn how to really commit to the moment, the more I can accept the limitations of life in a body on a planet. And it turns out these limitations actually make it pretty fun when I don’t take it so seriously.

Like I can spend my evenings panting and howling at the moon.

The world really is wide open for us to get wild within. With the whole blank canvas of life in front of you, how do you want to paint your picture?

Brad ZayacComment
Max Play 9000 at the 2019 Sedona Yoga Festival

Once a year yoginis and yogis yoke in the red rocks for the Sedona Yoga Festival hosted by Aumbase and sponsors. Besides just soaking up the healing ambience of our beloved environment, these yogis mean business. Whether its in downward dog or on the dance floor (or downward dog on the dance floor), their hearts fully express out into the many amazing moments that make up this festival.

I was lucky enough to receive an all access media pass that got me backstage, on stage, behind the scenes, VIP access. And I decided to make the most of it…

What I love about festival work is that though there is a bit of a schedule and structure to the whole thing, the real magic happens with the total let go drop flow of the heart-rooted faithful falling into pure excitement and bliss. With so many amazing classes and offerings ranging from Yoga for PTSD to Defense Against the Dark Arts to Kirtan to YOUR MONKEY MIND CAN BE A UNICORN, the mind can’t possibly be made up, so I just followed my heart.


Tea Time w/ Tashi

My Kunlun brother Tashi Lam hosted a Gong Fu style tea ceremony to kick off my festival experience. Chinese style tea service differs from Japanese in that the Chinese Gong Fu style is much less formal. Talking, laughing and conversation is actually encouraged. Tashi said “it’s like a fish market!”.

“Gong Fu tea is like a fish market” - Tashi Lam

“Gong Fu tea is like a fish market” - Tashi Lam

What started as a quiet and reserved crowd soon turned into a lively bunch with the help of Tashi’s charisma and his super deluxe premium teas straight from his family’s village in China. Tashi took us on a journey and showed us how to use tea and tea ceremony as a means of opening up all our chakras and energy centers, appreciating the subtle flavors and energies of this truly special plant.

By the end of the session, we were so “tea drunk”, “tea happy” the world was spinning with joy and delight! Okay, so I was the only one who actually spun around, but I could tell everyone was having a good time.


Acro Faith Flow

With a strong tea buzz I went to go see what was happening outside and I stumbled upon an acro yoga class hosted by Glenn Farley. Besides reminding me of my days as a champion acrobatic gymnast (it’s really easy to be champion when you are the only one in your age group ;) ), acro yoga is a great test of faith and trust. In order to have fun with it, you have to leave the fear behind and totally trust yourself and your partner.

The teachers of this class used a fun game to practice this kind of faith where you walk blindly through the circle and trust your circlemates to guide you on your path.


It’s funny how the macho-ist of humans can be extremely timidified by the simple act of moving with eyes closed. To walk confidently and boldly with no idea of where you are going or where you might end up is truly what yoga is all about. A deep knowing that the universe will take care of you and guide you as you let go of control. When you close your eyes, you must trust your feeling. An immediate drop from the head to the heart.


In addition to the amazing classes, there’s also plenty of amazing vendors advocating for their heart’s creation.

I connected with fellow lover of bodily freedom Steve Stix and his innovative self-massage tool called the Body Lever.

It uses mechanical leverage to address muscular and fascial tension in a whole new way that other self massage tools I have played with cannot. His tool brings self massage to a whole new lever.


I am very particular with my material stuff and I didn’t know if I would be leaving the festival with this new tool. Steve let me play with them all weekend and when I felt the immediate effects of my calves opening up and my feet feeling lighter like they never have, I was sold.

I decided to lev myself up and support my new friend. I am excited to keep playing with my new toy at home.


DJ Drez

The highlight of my whole weekend was the late night dance party featuring DJ Drez. By day, Drez is comfortable hosting kirtans, chanting in sanskrit playing soft music about love and oneness. At night we see another side with a bit more volume and bass.

Some people may think that yoga is all about relaxation and calmness, but yoga means “union”. It is inclusive of all life has to offer, even and especially so the peaks of excitement like all the yoginis and yogis created during the dance party.

I left my fears, my reservations and my camera at the door, so I don’t have any pictures of the wildness in action. The first time I’ve been to a party where yoga postures were a regular appearance in the dance battles.

I was deeply inspired by the amount of heart that these yogis and yoginis brought in. Not only incredible energy and creativity with the dance moves, but also the love of the yogini who brings a pitcher of water and several cups to the dance floor to make sure everyone stays hydrated and taken care of.

My heart was pumping with the beat and I used the space to play out to the max. Dancing is my new favorite spiritual practice.

Heart-Strong Finish

The experience of the 2019 Sedona Yoga Festival opened my heart and provided beautiful space for me to express myself fully and completely. I met amazing people, ate yummy food, received deep healing, and expanding my capacity for excitement and joy.

And there was so much more there available for everyone from different backgrounds. People all throughout the festival were able to find their unique vortex within this magical event.

I am so grateful I got to be a part of it, I had such a blast! And if you’re reading this and we met at the event, please reach out so we can stay connected!

I’m still basking in the toroidal love vortex field we created at the Sedona Yoga Festival, and you know I’ll be ready to bring the higher octave of that energy to next year’s!

I hope to see you there :)

Brad ZayacComment
I Switched Out Fighting for Honesty

Somehow I grew up with this idea that life is a struggle. You have to work really hard and fight for what you want and then one day you might be happy if you get lucky along the way.

I operated from this belief for much of my life, using my immense willpower to charge and bulldoze my way through life and its challenges. I was left exhausted and emotionally unstable from the amount of stress in my moment to moment existence.

The highlights of my life were when I would go off by myself and give up the fight, finally letting myself enjoy the simplicity of peace and quiet. Then soon enough, I would go back into the fighting to try and make it in the world.

Fighting is not a sustainable strategy for achieving true happiness.

Luckily I caught wind from some spiritual teachings of effortless living.

In Taoism they call it Wei Wu Wei which roughly translates as “action through non action”. The master does nothing yet everything gets done.

I loved this concept but couldn’t figure out how to really put it into place to remain peaceful throughout my whole day.

My biggest mistake was thinking that effortlessness meant laziness.

I thought an effortless life was one where you constantly give up on things, “surrender” as the spiritual people say.

I would laze around for a while, thinking I was doing a great job, then life would slap me in the face and I would jump right back into fight or flight mode in order to keep my life from completely going down the drain.

In truth, happiness can’t be faked, it has to be earned through honest work. Where work is the channeling of creative energy into achieving what you want. And the secret for me was that work can be effortless and fun.

In order for work to be effortless, fun, and fulfilling, I had to be fully honest in every moment.

I had to be honest about not feeling happy or fulfilled with how I had been living my life. I had to be honest about wanting something more. I had to be honest about not really knowing what I wanted to do. I had to be honest about not really knowing who I am or what I really like.

Once I took the time to look at those truths and feel what came up, I felt less of a need to fight.

The need to fight was me trying to deny the truth about my here and now. I was feeling terrible inside and was ready to fight my way out of it so that I wouldn’t have to see how terrible I was feeling.

By being honest and letting myself be vulnerable, I could let go of the fighting and start fresh from an empty slate.

From my empty slate arose a genuine desire to work for what I want. I want to be financially abundant and fulfilled in my work. When the real, heart-based desire is there, the labor becomes a labor of love instead of a fight against the truth.

Being honest clears the heart and mind of dissonant frequencies. My subtle sarcastic anger or depressed pain dissolved. And I was left with space and energy to be present and fully available for the moment.

Honesty is the opening of the heart to the free energy flow of the universe.

The things that I really truly want don’t take any effort to go after. And my clarity in this moment allows me to have the patience to be persistent and enjoy the process.

I’m still human and moments still come up that trigger those old fighting habits. It’s just now, I’m fully convinced and sold that honesty is better than fighting. When I feel challenged and that reflex comes in to fight or flight, now I have the awareness and the ability to breathe a shift my consciousness.

I’m not interested in fighting, resisting or willpower, I’d much rather breathe with the discomfort so that I can get back to my spaciously blissful pursuit of my dreams as soon as possible.

I bet you’re not surprised that I feel much more fulfilled and happy with what I am doing now too. Without the fighting, I can really appreciate everything I have and everything I am doing. Without fighting, I can pump my joy, clarity and enthusiasm into what I do, and the results reflect it.

I loved finding real upgrades like this and I recommend to anyone to try out the shift. Next time you think you need to fight or flight, try breathing with the truth instead. Then let me know how that goes! ;)

Brad ZayacComment
The Kitchen Dishes Paradox

I was the king of short cuts.

I cornered the market on quick fixes.

I was trying to get there faster.


Anywhere but here. That place over there that’s better than where I am now. Anywhere that I don’t have to face the pain and discomfort of the truth of the situation I had created.

I noticed this behavior pattern in myself and others on many levels. I think one of the easiest places to see it is in the kitchen.

I’m going to coin in the “Kitchen Dishes Paradox” defined as:

The Kitchen Dishes Paradox - The phenomenon by which a cook will go to great lengths and expend extraordinary effort in order to not use extra utensils or dishes that will inevitably require washing. The cook thinks that they are being more efficient or saving energy, when in fact the energy used to avoid doing dishes is often far greater than the energy it takes just to wash the extra dishes.

The Kitchen Dishes Paradox is the shining example of how shortcuts don’t really work. I’ve learned that anything I try to skip over comes back to me. Anything I tried to avoid doesn’t really go away. Even if it appears to go away, it will be back in a different form for me to deal with.

I thought shortcuts were the smart thing. I thought shortcuts would keep me ahead of the game and on top of everything.

In truth, short cuts waste more energy than they save. Real life knows whether I really completed the thing or not. Even if I appear to be further along than I’ve actually gotten, the charade won’t last and I will be met with my inevitable collapse.

In truth, the long way is the quickest way. Being honest about where I am and deciding to not run away has gotten me so much farther than trying to run away faster.

Nobody fools God.

And it’s so much better just to buckle down and do the obvious work. It involves way less thinking, planning, analyzing. Accepting it has allowed me to have fun and actually move through a lot of my old lingering challenges. There’s nothing more satisfying than honestly cleaning up the messes I’ve made.

There’s nowhere else out there that’s better than here. Sure, moving to a different state might get me a few moments of distraction, but ultimately I am the same person I was, and I have all the same gunk I had.

The real work is internal. By accepting that, the work has becoming a labor of self love rather than just labor. I enjoy the work and see true evolution and growth, much faster than when I tried one shortcut after another.

And now, when I need to, I just use the extra dishes in the kitchen, happy to wash up afterward.

Brad ZayacComment
Light Touch Body Movement

I believe I can fly.

I believe that I can cultivate enough lightness and levity to counteract the gravity of Earth and lift myself off the ground.

I may be crazy, but this subtle and deeply held knowing has led me down some interesting paths of exploration. I’ve spent a lot of time connecting with my body in pursuit of spacious lightness.

I am not my body, it is my home and friend. It has a life and awareness of its own. I get to enjoy our lifelong connection.

By honoring, listening to and trusting my body, I can let it have it’s life and I get to fully enjoy my life through it.

For instance, my body loves physical activity. And if I get too involved with control, then the body misses out and so do I. I can guide, influence or direct my body, but if I try to control things too much, I lose the magic.

Some call it flow, being in the moment, letting go, etc.

My body knows what to do, I can just kick back and enjoy the experience.

I feel it the most during my yoga practice, especially during long holds of challenging postures. As I am stretched to my limits, my mind might start to freak out and activate a stress response. My survival centers are trying to protect me from the inevitable death that this posture will cause. My heart and breath rate will increase, the adrenalin and cortisol start pumping, getting me ready to fight or flight.

All this happening in a comfy yoga room on my comfy yoga mat, in beautiful Sedona, Arizona.

If I am aware enough to see the ridiculousness of survival fears coming up in a yoga class, I can instead choose to trust and let my body run the show. I sink back in to the lightness of a playfully open heart and enjoy seeing what life is like at my current limits.

The more comfortable and calm I am at my current limits, the quicker I expand and they become a part of who I am. That’s how I have improved the flexibility and strength of my mind-body-spirit through yoga.

Yoga is not about exercise and stretching. It is about getting more comfortable at the edge of possibility.

And I end up learning I am capable of way more than my survival mind had me believing.

It’s a game of the nervous system. How cool, calm and collected can I stay as the heat and energy pick up? When I am challenged in life, whether its from unexpected obstacles or difficult emotions, can I stay clear and calm through the storm? This is why I practice yoga.

A way of thinking about it that helps me is to let my body do the work, while I kick back and enjoy the show. I let my awareness float instead of trying to grasp onto a part of my body that will hold myself up. I just send the lightest encouragement and support to my body as it does something it loves to do:

“You can do this!”, “Yes, stick with that”, “A little deeper, I believe in you”.

And after its done such an amazing job taking me to new places I haven’t been, I feel a profound gratitude and love for my body.

Having this framework of understanding that “I am not my body; it is my closest friend and home”, allows us to work together more effectively. The movements are more holistic, beautiful and complete. Yoga becomes more of an art or dance than work. Everything becomes more fun.

The more and more I continue to choose faith and trust during these intense moments, the more I get beyond my little mind into something greater. I drop deeper into my body and my sense of self grows bigger and bigger.

All from keeping this light and constant connection to my body as it moves through the world.

Brad ZayacComment
Sticktuitiveness for Success

What is it you really want in life?

If a thing, achievement or experience comes to mind, what is the feeling energy of what that will bring you?

For most people, including myself, we want the feelings like happiness, freedom, success, accomplishment, joy, fulfillment, etc.

No matter what it is you really want, it boils down to those basic feelings. How that looks for each person externally is highly individual, but the end goal tends to be similar.

I wanted to share today some changing in thinking I went through that helped me start truly feeling these things for the first time.

Every Moment Matters

If this was your only life, how would you live it? If every breath you take can bring you deeper into true happiness and success, how could you make every moment count?

I used to think that making every moment count meant being super busy and productive all the time, wearing myself out and exhausting my energy systems. I kept busy with mostly pointless, temporary tasks that someone else got me to think I should do. I did anything to fill the space. That busy-ness just wasted energy and distracted me from what is true for me. I was always tired, lethargic and eventually deeply depressed and lost.

What I learned is that you don’t achieve success through effort.

I know that sounds a little crazy. What I mean is that the things that will bring you closer to your unique success have a natural buzz around them. They light up your body with a natural enthusiasm and excitement that gives you the energy to accomplish them, even if its challenging.

So success definitely requires energy, not effort. If you only say yes to the things that have that natural buzz, you can feed off that enthusiasm, which I think of as free energy of living in harmony, rather than burning up your body’s limited energy resources. And this natural enthusiasm from harmony makes it fun and enjoyable, AND increases your chances of going through the challenge into miraculous breakthrough.

Living in harmony with your uniqueness gives you the sticktuitiveness you need to succeed.

There’s a lot of options and possibilities in this world, especially with the ever-increasing connectedness and communication that is happening. I have this sneaking suspicion that even though there’s so many things to do and explore, that most people will only have 1-4 things that truly give them that natural enthusiasm.

And by the way, figuring out what I really wanted didn’t take any effort. By saying “no” more to the things I was doing, and honestly inquiring as to why I thought I wanted to do those things, I got to see and let go of all these ideas of who I should be. Without other people’s ideas stuck in my head, I had plenty of space to let myself enjoy each moment, and kept deciding and reaffirming for myself that I wanted something deeper than instant gratification, without needing to know what it was right away.

By clearing out the gunk and cleaning up my life, the truth revealed itself:

I am here to be a master healer and teacher, helping people all over the world achieve genuine happiness and health.

Now that it’s clear and I’ve gotten rid of most of the distractions and self-sabotage, I just kick back and enjoy every moment to its fullest. I spend the majority of my time either doing my spiritual practice, eating well, doing my healing work, moving my body, or studying health and healing.

And I just know that I will do this in some form for the rest of my life. All by living off the free energy of joy and enthusiasm for each moment.

And because I have decided to stick to it for life, I know I will be as successful as I was meant to be.

Honestly and sincerely stick with anything long enough and you will achieve success.

So then the question becomes:

What can you stick with for the rest of your life?

And if you don’t have a great answer, that’s okay, you’ve just got some cleaning to do first before it reveals itself ;)

Brad ZayacComment
Developing the Heart Habit

True health starts with the heart.

Trying to mentally figure out what works for my one-of-a-kind life hasn’t ever worked. No generalized diet plan or exercise regimen can account for the ebbs and flows of life or a unique biochemistry. The mind is no match for life.

Struggling to try and figure out and implement a mental system to ensure good health has only caused me frustration and less-than-optimal results.

Through the journey, here is what I’ve come to realize:

Only the heart truly knows in each moment what is the best decision for my unique self. Operating and living in my heart is better in every way. The more I try it, the more it becomes obvious and simple.

Now that I have successfully become aware of what it feels like to be in my heart and recognized the joyful benefits, why would I choose to live any other way? I would have to lie to myself in order to justify staying in my head.

Living in my heart is relatively new to me, so I end up having to be very vigilant and pay attention to where I am in each moment. I’ve made the decision to live exclusively from my heart, so now its just a matter of doing the work and following through with that decision.

Through this journey, I’ve found some ways of approaching it that have been helpful.

One way to look at this is the making and breaking of habits. Many people will choose a head-led life even though its meaningless, laborsome and unnecessarily dramatic because that’s the way its always been. These cultural and tribal beliefs are firmly structured within the neural networks and its comfortable to stay within what has kept them safe and alive.

In other words, these people are in the habit of being in their head.

And even upon revelation of the greatness of the heart, it doesn’t instantly stick because of the head habit.

Working through all the rationalizations, beliefs, judgements, painful emotions is part of breaking the head habit. There’s no good reason to be in the head. In fact, any moment spent in the head is a destructive moment. This was one of the most challenging truths for me to accept. With how much time I used to spend thinking, wallowing and figuring things out, I was responsible for my own destruction.

If you’d like to try out some of the infinite bliss, beauty and satisfying joy of the heart, you can simply approach it from the viewpoint of developing a new habit.

Learning to live in your heart is no different than developing the habit of flossing, or learning how to write with your non-dominant hand. There are moments of challenge, frustration, forgetting, but if its something you really want to do and you persist with dedication, you will ultimately achieve your goal.

It’s easier to just not floss, or to just write things out with your dominant hand, but that doesn’t get you anywhere new. It’s not an expression of your life-expanding creativity.

If you want to be truly special, great, fulfilled, successful, happy, free, joyful, etc., that’s only going to come by kicking the head habit and developing the heart habit.

So if you are reading this, it is yet another reminder to commit to your heart and decide to develop the heart habit. It’s totally worth it.

Brad ZayacComment
Health Knowing vs Health Knowledge

Health is the harvesting of free energy by living in harmony with natural frequencies.

Though many have spent time attempting to create conceptual maps, rules and guidelines for how to be healthy, the truth is that embodied health cannot be achieved by following arbitrary rules.

True health is highly individual and requires a dedication to the following of one’s own inner guidance and intuitive knowing.

Knowing is much more valuable than knowledge.

Knowledge is easy to acquire through the reading of books, watching of youtube videos or even through the collecting of degrees and certificates. True knowing comes from the direct experience and application of knowledge and techniques.

Knowledge requires time and effort to collect and remember. Knowing is effortless, exciting and exactly suited to one’s individual path.

It is only through dedication to honesty and truth that true embodied health can be achieved.

Truth is the foundation of individual health.

Relying on one’s inner knowing can be scary at first, especially if it contradicts with a popularly-held belief.

Relying on one’s inner knowing requires vigilance, as what came through knowing in one moment, might not be true in the next. Holding onto ideas limits the capacity for growth and change.

Health is not about having it all “figured out” and following a rigid structure. Health is about the complete trust in your heart’s guidance in every moment, irrespective of the thoughts and opinions of others.

Health is multidimensional, all-encompassing and interconnected. The health of the physical body is directly related to the health of the emotional or mental levels and vice versa.

Health and health knowledge are two very different things. If someone is spreading health knowledge without themselves being healthy, that knowledge is not likely to help people in a true way.

On the other hand, someone who is healthy, vibrant and fully living their life is likely to effortlessly help everyone they touch through their presence alone, even if they never talk or share about the subject of health. This is the power of true health grounded in heart-based knowing.

So, for all health seekers out there, the truth is simple:

You don’t need more knowledge…

Your perfect health will come to you through courageously living from your inner knowing.

Brad ZayacComment
Your Thinking Is Stinking Up My Bliss

I just wrote this poem for myself and all my reflections

Your thinking is stinking up my bliss.

Who I am floats happily bouncing, prouncing, tickling, prickling from bliss bubble to pleasure wave.
Endless infinity infinitely loving itself.

Then, there is a forgetting
Who I am never forgets, because
Who I am always rests in bliss ocean, sailing my unique ship wherever I damn well please.

There is a forgetting that is not mine but happens through me as I float.
I get cut off from my source, from some unseen force, that puts me into a slumber.
In my slumber I tumble from thought to thought,
distraught at this deep feeling of being lost,
searching for anything at any cost that might bring me back.

The truth is.

In the void of silent stillness,
Who I am awakens,
Who I am effortlessly shines.
Who I am needs no thinking to find my way because I am already there.
I can stay in bliss and I don't miss all those wasted thoughts....

Until I slip and miss my focused grip on the truth.

They knock me over from my root with false fears for survival.
They trip my vagus nerve as if Vegas burns all around me.
My only hope is to build a moat around my heart for protection.

"I can think my way out of this one"

I drive and strive, strain through the pain, stretch and contort myself to get away.
Searching for any thought so long as I don't have to face
The truth of what I am feeling.

Why do I feel so tense?
With intense thoughts incessantly occupying my head?
Fuck... I fell asleep again...

The cycle continues
Yet each time my alarm clock gets louder, beeps sooner.
Each time I see more and more of who I am, fully resolved to be the truth.
Each time I see more and more of the tricks that used to get me.
Each time I can more confidently say:

Your thinking is stinking up my bliss.
And I will give them exactly no more of my infinite power.

Brad ZayacComment
A Story of Creation

All the world starts from thoughts.

Thoughts create a structure for energies to move into form. As thought becomes more complex, so does creation.

Thoughts are carried, solidified and condensed by feeling. The more feeling a thought inspires, the more fixed and solid it becomes. The physical and material world is a result of the past thoughts fueled by feeling.

We humans are co-creators within the One sea of consciousness. We are the ultimate intelligence split and reflected through individuality in unique forms. The collective realm of our thoughts is what creates the world.

Acknowledging our own sovereign, divine, creator nature is available for each human. An individual can begin to self reflect, observing the current thought structure and use the creative power of free will to change their thinking. 

The process of "awakening" or "enlightenment" is the intentional examination of thought using the heart sense to soften, lighten and transcend dense thought forms. There are fundamentally two responses the heart can have in response to a thought showing up:

Expansion (joy, elation, bliss, enthusiasm, "high-vibration")


Contraction (fear, stuckness, resistance, "low-vibration")

Generally as humans we would prefer expansion. Expansion feels good within the body.

Ascension uses the heart to discern and actively shift thinking to lighter and more expansive thought forms, which in turn creates a more expansive physical experience. Ascension is the full embodying and engaging of our creator nature. How it looks physically will be as varied as the individual humans that choose the path.

The process simplified is the honest examination of thought structures creating contraction or fear in the heart and working with, upgrading the thoughts until an expansive bliss state is reached, repeating this process until all the fear is gone and only joy remains.

Brad ZayacComment
Mastering the emotional sense - Presence in the Heart

I was meditating on the most important thing to share. What is the center of everything? What is the foundation for understanding and being able to apply all I want to share in the future? What allows people to really transcend and transmute the old into something new and expansive?

The heart.

There is only one heartspace that we all share. When the individual heart is completely opened and highly mastered, it becomes the ultimate vehicle for exploring and embodying our true infinite nature. The heart knows the truth instantly when it is itself grounded in truth.

I have respect for cliches like: "all you need is love", "open your heart", "follow your heart", etc.

If you could only master one thing in your life, I'd suggest mastering the heart sense.

In the modern world, we value mind and thinking so much that we forget where the ideas get their power from. You can have the best idea in the world, but if your heart doesn't want to make it happen, it will just stay an idea. In the same way, anything that has enough true heart desire behind it will happen.

So how do we master the heart?

I am on this journey with you and can only share what I have learned so far.

The first step is getting comfortable beyond the mind. When you stop thinking, what is left and how can you spend more time deepening your connection in this beyond-thought space?

You might already have activities you enjoy that get you into a "flow state" of no-thought. That state where time stops and the whole world beyond the moment disappears. It could be dance, music, art, sports, anything. Whatever it is, start to respect that space and deepen your awareness of it within it.

For me, meditation is non-negotiable. Shutting the eyes and turning inwards is the most direct way to get beyond what the eyes think is real. Spending enough time in meditation and the entire world as I know it dissolves and I start to feel more fluidity within my existence. I can take the time to let my mind slow down and relax, examining the root unconscious feelings and beliefs under my thoughts. I can very directly play with opening to certain emotional states like love and bliss. I can sink into the absolute silence and stillness of the void. Meditation is unlike any other tool.

With most of my meditative practice, I have this overarching intention of opening myself to more love and bliss. This happens mostly through the release of stored trauma and stuck emotions. Spend enough time in stillness and everything will rise to the top. All I need to do is close my eyes, wait and then face whatever shows up.

Over time, I have learned how to grasp my emotions when they show up and completely dissolve myself into them. I've felt them pop and be annihilated and then felt a rush of relief and expansion as more space is created in my being. In the spaciousness, I can intentionally open to more bliss and love to grasp and familiarize myself with these higher emotions.

I picture the neuronal circuitry for these states in my brain. All my life, certain circuits have burned their paths in my emotional centers. Through awakening, I recognize my power as the Creator incarnate and choose to build new paths in the circuitry of my emotional center. I choose to intentionally expand and practice my ability to sense and open to more higher emotional states. When a moment of gratitude, love, joy, or happiness shows up in my heart, I lean into it and feel it completely, expanding my whole being and letting it fully express.

Over time, I have felt my neurochemistry shift and old patterns of depression and anxiety no longer stick. I have moments, just like everyone else, but I don't resist. I know these feelings aren't inherently true and that I have the power to shift and upgrade my experience on this earth. When the feelings show up, I die into them for a period, fully receiving and appreciating the feelings, then connect to my intention to rise up and through that gather the desire to make a decision to choose something higher. I keep taking whatever steps I need to take to keep living my authentic way. This can take anywhere from a few seconds to a few hours, where in the past I might've got stuck in these patterns for days or weeks, with them lurking in the background for months and years.

Developing heart control and awareness is the single best thing I have done for my experience as a human on this planet. It is so simple and effective that the mind will not believe it at first. I can summarize it in one sentence:

"Feel whatever your feeling fully and take the steps toward love."


Brad ZayacComment
Rooting the mind - Understanding the three levels of mind

“Root the mind and the heart opens to 10,000 voices” 

According to the Chinese system, there are three levels of mind. Here they are: 

Physical - the conscious active mind responsible for willpower and verbal thinking, the “monkey mind”. You can feel like the physical thoughts are up and around the head.

Energetic - the level of feeling below or behind the physical mind. This is the realm of emotions, bodily sensations. The energetic mind is felt below the physical mind in the realm of the heart and body. The physical mind is fed and results from the patterns of the energetic mind

Spiritual - the space of pure awareness beyond all ideas, thoughts, emotions, feelings. The connection to source and the fountain of divine intuition and psychic powers. The spiritual mind is what is left when everything else is still, it is beyond location and time.


And the bonus that I won’t get too deeply into now is that we have the ability to take our consciousness beyond all levels of mind to the pure experience of unity, I.e completely awaken to the truth. 

I find this model of mind extremely helpful as I approach my magic and inner work. Rooting the mind in stillness is a continuous intention to allow my spiritual powers and insight to open to infinity. 

I was playing in meditation and thought I might share how I use this model to root my mind in stillness and open up to more bliss.  

Navigating the mental plane through meditation reveals a lot of our current state. Our physical mind is a result of our past relationship with the energetic mind and the energetic mind’s purity comes from our connection to the spirit mind. Each level feeds the one above it. To root the mind and open up to more bliss is to pour more of our awareness into the spirit mind and allow the energetic and physical (especially energetic) minds to soften and open into spaciousness so that energy can more easily flow from the spirit mind into our direct experience. 

The rooting of the mind is a letting go of the clenching that our energetic and physical minds might be in the habit of doing. Softening by pure unexpecting presence. Zooming out and looking beyond to what’s behind and underneath what has been showing up in front of us.  

Here is a quick step by step for this sort of mind-rooting stillness meditation: 

1. Get comfortable in a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed. I like lying down and have also had great success with sitting upright or in a comfy chair.  

2. Close the eyes and take some breaths. Clarify for your whole being your intention: “I am slowing and rooting my mind in the truth of stillness” or something like that that feels good to you.  

2. I recommend jumping right to the energetic mind. Tune into your heart and notice what you are feeling. Any verbalization, story or explanation is the physical mind which we are turning the attention away from here. Instead focus on the pure feeling and stay there.  Nothing to change or fix, just pure seeing with the gentlest intention of softening and opening.

3. I will first explore any barriers to the success of my meditation. Things like tiredness, lack of focus, nervousness, strong emotions. These are all just ideas that when directly seen can be easily released.  

4. Staying in the energetic mind for a period and you will see the physical mind eventually comes to a standstill and you are in the realm of pure feeling. This is the sign you are ready to go one level deeper.  

5. The spirit mind is subtle. It’s the thing that is noticing the feeling. Shifting from the object of observation to the subject. Aware of awareness. Pure silence. Pure stillness. Emptiness. Void. Let yourself fall in love with this place of deep peace.  

6. Eventually as the awareness sinks purely into spirit mind, the energetic mind will quiet as well and you will be left in deep stillness. Stay here as long as you can, continually coming back as you fall out.  

Bonus: in this place of deep stillness, you can notice that something is noticing the nothingness. Even when the entire world has come to a single essence, something is aware. Allow yourself to grow curious and investigate the source of the light with greater desire and intensity. Theoretically this will lead to full blown realization experience. I have not had this yet so I will not speak to it.

And that’s it! It’s simply a time game. I’ve heard some traditions say that you spend 81 hours in the spirit mind state and you become full of yang heavenly divine energy.

Either way the rooting of the mind even for one moment improves quality of life and opens the gateway to more bliss, peace and joy. 

Give it a shot and let me know how it goes for ya! 

Brad ZayacComment
Charge Your Heart to Live YOUR Life

Do you want to be alive?

Can you answer that question honestly?

It's not possible to partially live.

You either live or don't live.

You either throw yourself fully into things in front of you or you start to die and the universe begins the recycling process. 

We don't see the dying immediately because it happens slowly in the realm of thought first, before working into feelings and then finally showing up in the body.

This experience might be familiar:
You are faced with a challenging situation that brings you fear. You have a moment to decide: do I do what's right for my heart even though its scary or do I back down to stay safe and secure?

When you choose to do what's right, you are opening your heart to the infinite life force energy available to us at all times. You are inviting more of the universe into your body and life. You are receiving pure, unfiltered love directly from its source. You are expressing your true freedom.

When in the past you chose to hold back, you were closing off to love. You were refusing the infinite life force energy of the universe. You were choosing to die.

You might have noticed that as soon as you in the past made that decision to contract, that the mind came in a verbalized a reason as to why. That reason, that belief, that idea was the beginning of the death process. It was a tension/constriction of life force that you may or may not still be carrying. That belief is not true. That rationalization is false.

Choosing fear over freedom enough times leads to a premature death, and more tragically it means the world receives less of the beauty and uniqueness that is you.

I'll ask again.

Do you want to be alive?

Every challenge you experience is the universe asking you this question. Even if you answer yes with all your heart to one challenge, it doesn't stop and give you a free pass forever. You make this decision in every moment.

Are you ready to decide to fully live every moment?

Can you honestly feel the response to the above inquiry?

I will offer a tool I have had tremendous success with for embodying my life force.

Charge your heart.

In preparation for breaking through, charge your heart.

If you notice the mind rambling or wandering, redirect that mental energy into an imagination that lights you up. This can be a simple gratitude or appreciation for being alive. It can be a passionate determination and desire for freedom. It can be an enlightening joy for your ability to explore.

Sometimes, I will remember and sense my lineages and astral entourage, feeling their support. I might invite the spirit of my beloved into my awareness to receive her radiant inspiration. I might imagine the details of my most exciting upcoming creation.

By redirecting mental energy back into the heart, you fuel up for your next opportunity to choose freedom. You not only know/see the truth, you are the truth. You are freedom. You are life expressing your unique love.

I'll ask one more time...

Do you want to be alive?

Show me.

Brad ZayacComment
How to Protect Yourself in Relationship - Try to Scare Them Away with Your Truth

I chose this title to appeal to the part of you that is afraid. 

Fear is a contractive emotion that inhibits the expression of your most authentic self.

We can continue to play the games of the past, trying to fit ourselves into the boxes we were told would bring us happiness...


we can faithfully trust our inner guidance to lead us to a life of easy joy and happiness.

We can continue to squeeze and make ourself smaller to avoid the discomfort of uncertainty


we can boldly let our beautifully unique truth expand and express from our heart.

We can contract and constrict, slowly cutting off our life force energy and bringing us closer to death.


we can joyfully expand our life force energy by relentlessly trusting the source of our feeling.

We make this choice in every moment. 

When we come together with another, the fears inevitably show up. Human to human true connection and recognition is something our soul yearns for deeply, yet rarely receives. Relationship and especially partnership is one of those opportunities where we tend to go deep with each other on a regular basis. We have a chance of this soul connection and recognition.

The faintest hope of receiving connection and recognition from a potential partner can often paradoxically cause us to hide or close off some of our heart. "If they see this part of me, they will judge me and leave me alone. I won't have the chance to show them all the good parts of me. They won't love me if they saw all of who I really am. I will just hide that for long enough for them to really love me, then maybe I can tell them the truth."

Love is not logical.

Fear is heaviness for the heart. That contractive feeling is something the heart must maintain in order to keep the fear hidden. The fear congests the heart and inspires action that furthers the contraction and exhausts the body's reserves. Fear and joy cannot coexist simultaneously.

So, in relationship, how do we protect ourselves from this damaging of the heart that fear causes?

Faith is the fear neutralizer. Knowing deep in our soul that "all is well". Whether I am single or in relationship, whether I am overburdened with emotion and challenge or anxious about what might happen...

All is well

From faith, we have the foundation for true self love. "The integrity of my inner feelings and heart space is more important than the external image of being in a relationship". "I love myself enough to courageously express my sincere feelings and deepest vulnerabilities". 

If a fear shows up in my awareness: "I don't know if they can handle this part of my past", "What they did really triggered me", "I'm feeling totally shitty right now and could use some help" We truthfully express the fear and the story behind it. The expression of truth could completely destroy the connection and inspire challenging conversation. That fear could be the tip of the iceberg that releases a cascade of fear upon fear. It can get really heavy.

When it get's heavy, just remember that we used to be holding onto that heaviness. The challenge and discomfort is an opportunity to release the heaviness and create more lightness and space within ourselves. By constantly looking to the back of the heart space and expressing that energy, we are clearing and freeing ourselves.

And I am sure you have felt that sense of relief in expressing something challenging. The feeling of freedom and lightness. And usually afterwards, the response is not as bad as you thought it was going to be. 

When we express from our authentic feelings from the heart, we are telling the universe "I am fully here as my uniquely creative self, I am alive and a valuable vessel for consciousness. Support me with the lightness and joy for my continued co-creation."

By setting this standard not only in relationship, but also for ourself, we can free ourselves every moment of every day. What are the things you've been afraid to tell yourself? What parts of you do you avoid looking at?

We have the opportunity to show ourselves what unconditional love and compassion can be. "Wow I did that, and it feels super shitty", "This part of myself almost disgusts me", "I don't even want to be on this earth", "I don't deserve this life". Whatever rings deep inside the head, can you hear it, see it without the need to turn away, rationalize or escape it? Can you fully see yourself from a place of clarity? Can you let yourself be seen and heard?

This is self love.

Once we've got some practice with self love, then we can really start to love a partner and the world. 


Brad ZayacComment
The cock as the lightning straw

My adventures in magick and alchemy have brought me to some pretty fun places recently within the sexual arena.

After some major inner work, clearing sexual power blocks that were related to my relationship with my parents, I got a renewed wave of hope and inspiration for the inner alchemy practices. Id like to share some images and visuals I have been using to understand and deepen my sexual energy practice.

The cock is a lightning straw.

It collects charge in the form of excitement and pleasure, then can discharge the energy through vacuum pressure with creative force.

A while back, I got a medieval myopractic adjustment using an old school table that hinges in the middle at my waist while I was strapped in by the ankles and rib cage. I lay face down and it opens, pulling the spine longitudinally. It's not widely practiced because of the potential liability. It is so uncommon that I can't even google a picture of the table. I have a video of one of my sessions, but the practitioner asked me not to share it publicly.

"Three nice breaths and on the third one we pull..."





"Three, trust, trust, trust..."



[20 minutes of AGHing later]

ahhhhh, oohhhhh, mmmmmmmmm, grrrrr

Basically the table tears open the low back in the most powerful release I've ever received. It can release all the lumbar vertebrae simultaneously and cause a massive movement of previously stuck energy.

I share this story because from that adjustment I experienced a major influx of chi right into my whole pelvis. It changed my whole posture. My legs felt lighter than air, I was invigorated with tremendous raw power, I felt the whole cosmic joke of all that is and was able to play with it in new way, and most relevant for this article:

it felt as if my cock was rooted all the way into my sacrum. There was a giant shaft of light that extended all the way through the pelvic floor, making my cock feel like it was 15 inches long, basically as an extension of the spine.

The peak of the effects wore off soon after as the energy dispersed and my body integrated. There were definitely some permanent shifts, but the 15 inch cock of light faded away...

As you might imagine, having that taste of what's possible fed me massive inspiration to discover how I can permanently maintain that cock of light and the sense of vitality, presence, lightness and purpose that comes with it. I've since been doing a lot of work to release trauma within the hips and psoas. I will share more on how I do this later.

Coming back to present, I've had a major breakthrough in seeing the most direct way to feed and strengthen my cock of light and it has to do with this model of the lightning straw.

Energetically, I see the light cock as the complete extension of the fully open and activated spinal chord, corresponding to the governor vessel in Chinese medicine. By working directly with the energy of the spine, opening, feeding, stimulating the balanced electrical activity, I can improve the sense of communication and connectedness within my whole body.

And sex is a great source of energy.

I will speak from the place of solo practice as that is what I have been diving deeply into recently. 

I engage my imagination with a fantasy that not only lights up my cock, but also my heart. It's been entertaining to watch the evolution of my fantasies as all the old sexual programming falls away. They become less about raw, detached, conquering energy and more innocent and playful, honestly exploring what authentically turns me on. I can even get turned on by imagining talking to, expressing my feelings to a woman in my life, or just completely make up an alien planet full of horny warrior goddesses.

I used to have some resistance to fantasizing, as I didn't want to get lost in the mind and disconnect from the body. Then I realized that the mind IS the body and that energy is energy. If it feels good for me to dive deeply into fantasy, the images I am creating and the excitement I feel from that is building a bridge connecting my brain to my heart and cock. By diving fully into imagination through sexual fantasy, I am bringing my energy centers a sense of wholeness and connectedness.

I am using my fully present mind to start opening and activating the heart and cock. All three dantiens are synced up and unified for this singular purpose of sexual energy play. 

As the excitement builds, I can feel the energy gather in my cock. I can sense and feel how close I am to the point of no return, the point where the energy is too much for my cock to handle and it seeks release. Funny how that point is flexible. If I approach it carefully and tip toe across, I can relax and those gyrations that normally begin orgasm will start but not finish. Playing at the edge expands the edge. Doing this from a relaxed, fully committed place is the key, any hesitation and you lose the benefits.

And if I happen to fall over the edge, I can do a power lock to more forcefully stop release. A power lock is when you squeeze all the major muscle groups except for the back and spine, especially the feet, legs, hands, jaw, perineum, and face. Looks funny but it works. There can be a little bit of downtime as all the energy of excitement that was in the cock has now gone into all the muscles. It can take a moment to re-energize, but it's much quicker and more sustainable than constant ejaculation for how often I practice. 

I've been doing the above edge play for several years, but I noticed something very new within the past few days...

With high levels of excitement and specific forms of breathing, I could charge up my cock and instead of expelling it or just waiting for it to cool down, I could discharge my cock backwards, drawing it through the cock of light into the tailbone and up the spine. I call it a straw because I noticed my breathing pattern was like this:

Inhale with an open "o-shaped" mouth while charging up, like sipping from a straw, cock muscles activate without tension. Exhale, relax cock muscles then gently, subtly squeeze anal muscles and the energy shoots up the spine as far as it can.

This is what anyone who is into inner alchemy will consider very duh-worthy, everyones trying to blast energy up into the head. I personally found I could shoot energy up the spine and start to work on a couple blocks that were there. I've heard about it for so long, and felt whispers of things in the past. Now it feels so satisfying to finally have it embodied!

All the energy play is fun and feels super exciting to me. There is a very specific part of this that I feel directly builds the cock of light.

It has to do with the moment of charging up the cock. 

I was laying down on my back as I was practicing and I found that if I jam my sacrum down, activating but not tensing my legs and feet, glutes completely relaxed, the charge capacity increases tremendously. As the excitement builds, I very consciously bring my awareness to the sacrum and feel my energy cock elongating and expanding. I can maintain much higher levels of excitement without release either out or up. The pure building of energy all held within my cock of light. 

It feels like this expansion of energy capicitance within the cock expands and opens all the energetic/nerve channels in that area, building and creating a more embodied cock of light. It also feels like the effect is exponential, in that the more deeply I can go with presence and faith into higher and higher levels of excitement, the more an more exponentially my capacity to hold it becomes.

After a session of solidly charging up my light cock, I noticed some profound changes.

I felt more effortlessly grounded and present, with clarity on what my path and next point of excitement is.

I felt lighter, much more able to laugh and joke, have fun with friends and not get caught up in mental analysis.

I felt expanded psychic capacities and intuition. In one day there were five separate occasions where I picked up on exactly the right thing and was able to deliver with lightness and grace that facilitated empowerment and humor rather than judgement and smartassyness.

I felt more aliveness and energy! Invigoration and vitality!

And more...

Needless to say, I was blown away by this and finally understand why the sexual energy is foundational for any alchemy practice. 

My next play practice is to build up the charge while simultaneously drawing it up the spine, using the energy to completely open my microcosmic orbit, middle and upper dantiens.

With the sexual practice, intense physical practice, Arizona sun and cold cold spring-fed creek water, I've already been feeling massive adjustments and openings all over my body, expanding into my entire life.

The realm of infinite possibilities and lifelong orgasmic bliss keeps opening infinitely!

Brad ZayacComment